I am giving up on humanity, civil liberties and any optimism for the human race. Seems the whole Boston/ATHF “bomb” scare is going to be settle for $2 million. It really does not worry anyone that these things were hanging up for 2-3 weeks before they sent off the scare or that they are obviously not a bomb to anyone with the wits God gave a dung beetle. Seriously, we have to be a beta version because we are so fucked.
As anyone of you who reads this site regularly, my douchebag of the week has quickly become Douchebag of the Month or longer. It takes a lot to blog anything consistently beyond random links. So I am going to go ahead and hang it up. I may have an occasional rant here and there but I’d also like to counter the negativity with some positive posts on the site. Hopefully by ending DotW, people will stop being douchebags also. Anyway here is a grab bag of douchebags:
OK that was it. Someone else is welcome to take the DotW and run with it if you choose. Say Goodbye in the comments if you wish!
You know it is tough to hand out the DotW’s to Republicans that are so corrupt and get busted near election time because they make me feel optimistic about November. But Mark Foley is a special case. Here is a guy who said about the Clinton-Lewinsky affair,
“It’s more sad than anything else, to see someone with such potential throw it all down the drain because of a sexual addiction.”
Yeah the sad part is that is between two consenting heterosexual adults. Now if Lewinsky had been a 16 year old male page, well then it is all good! If you want to see classic sexual predatory behavior in action, read ABCNews IM transcripts. There is a special level of hell reserved for this guy.
But let’s not forget the high-ranking Republicans who knew and did nothing.
Among those who became aware earlier this year of the fall 2005 communications between Mr. Foley and the 16-year-old page, who worked for Representative Rodney Alexander, Republican of Louisiana, were Representative John A. Boehner, the majority leader, and Representative Thomas M. Reynolds of New York, chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee. Mr. Reynolds said in a statement Saturday that he had also personally raised the issue with Speaker J. Dennis Hastert.
Somewhat reminiscent of the Catholic priest scandal. Amazing how we some people never learn. The lesson here is to worry less about razor blades in apples at Halloween and more about politicians with “conservative” values. So many DotW’s go out this week.
And let me add one more, You stay classy Screech!
In my experience, there is one special type of douchebag that consistently soars above the rest, progenies of success. D’bags all the world over have had parents who have achieved some modicum of success and through connections and overdeveloped senses of entitlement have become remarkable douchebags in their own ranks. This week we have seen plenty of them. And since it has been a while, all of them get to become douchebags of the week.
Exhibit A: Chris Wallace. I look at this guy and want to punch him in the face. First of all he works at Fox News and drinks the Kool-Aid that they are representing the undervoiced majority of Americans instead of dispensing propaganda and prison raping America. This guy’s dad is Mike Wallace from 60 Minutes fame. Mike Wallace and 60 Minutes set the bar pretty damn high for journalists. Yeah they have had the occasional misstep but I’ll watch the show with a certain amount of glee because you just don’t see enough good investigative journalism. Chris Wallace on the other hand has not put any skin into the game. His biggest ratings are probably from the Clinton interview and he basically blind-sided Clinton and Clinton is still removing pieces of Wallace’s ass from his shoes. Should have never entered the old man’s arena Chris. You don’t have the stones for it. But you have accomplished something your father never did, douchebag.
The other winner goes to Leigh Tiffin, kicker for the Alabama Crimson Tide. You can read the details but I suspect anyone reading this site already knows what happened. Tiffin was obviously not up for the job on Saturday and got mentally shaken down. Not quite the nerve of the old man who in 1985 kicked a 52 yard field goal to win against a heavily favored Auburn team. Nothing can break my heart like Alabama football and on Saturday it did just that. Leigh, you should not have tried to follow in the old man’s footsteps. And you’re a douchebag for your performance on Saturday.
And let me wrap up the douchebag of the week awards by giving one to each of my coworkers and their sisters who so kindly pointed out that Alabama did not win this past weekend despite two signs in my cube stating “Stop! Don’t be a dick! Go away! I don’t want to talk about football.”. I also have a rule in my work email that searches for the word football in the body of an email, that when found deletes the email and sends an autoresponse. So yeah, that’s about 20 more douchebag of the week awards. Congrats!
I should change this to Douchebag of the Moment. Timeliness has never been a strength. However we had mucho el douchebarrio this week. First there were some crazy fucking Muslims who wanted to blow up planes but they were well watched by the British government. Except for the whole Big Brother thing England has going, they know how to handle terrorism. I hope in our evolution as a nation we can find a way to have their mindset about terror without entirely sacrificing our liberties.
Leiberman lost. Go Joementum! He’s going to try and fuck everything up with the Democrats by running as an independent. We definitely need that senate seat Joe. Don’t be a prick. Learn from your mistakes you arrogant shit and then try running again. God damn, the idea of term limits sounds better and better for these dickweeds.
On Leiberman’s loss, Cheney and others had some crazy bullshit ideas about how supporting a candidate with different ideas than his about the Iraq war helps the terrorists. Cheney, Bush and the lot are the terrorists. They have done more damage to this country and its Constitution than Al Qaeda ever could. This is the reason they are exempt from the Douchebag of the Week award. It’s like when you know you are going to fail your class so you are exempt from the final.
But the winner this week is this guy! First of all even having the Douchebag of the Week section qualifies me as a huge douchebag in its own right. In addition, I get full of myself plenty of times and cross the line. It’s not until one of these gut-checks that I realize how douchebaggy I can be. So this one goes to me because I am long overdue and a little humility every now and then never hurt anyone.
So I mention to the coworkers the issues with my state tax. Of the 6 people on the team, 2 others had gotten the same sort of tax adjustment. In total, 1/2 the team had. You have to think that somewhere Arkansas has fucked up big time. I am going to sit back and wait for this to hit the press.
I did call the Dept of Finance and they said I need to provide proof of my CO residence for 2002. I would like to see them provide proof of my Arkansas residence. So I called the number they gave me to get a copy of my Colorado state taxes, disconnnected. Nice work fuckers! I hear a DotW coming.
14 days and 2,530 miles later; I am back! All the pics are posted on my flickr site. Some photos of the wedding, CO in general, and Talking Rocks Cavern which I explored today. And however the brochure may fool you, if you are over 10 years old, do not do the SpeleoBOX Crawl Maze. It will induce a panic attack and is damn near impossible. The photo has grown adults in it, this is not to be believed. Other than that, I highly recommend the cavern. Very cool and if you are in the Branson area and can pull yourself from Yakov Smirnoff, check it out. and remember … In Soviet Russia, caves explore you!
Oh and one more thing. Back in May of 2002 I published an Open Letter to Kansas on an old blog. Well after spending a god forsaken day in your state, Kansas I am disappointed to say that not a god damn thing has changed. It is still a tough call which is duller, the drive or your citizens. The only thing that breaks up the drive is the occasional anti-abortion sign. And Lord forbid you have to get gas and your not near a major town. I paid $3.10 for a gallon of regular unleaded 15 miles outside of Salida. Your politicians argue who is more anti-choice but I would argue for mandatory abortions across the state. The only thing more annoying than your back-asswards politics are your toll roads. When I asked the toll booth attendant how I-70 could also be a toll road, he chipperly stated the toll was there first, got annexed into the interstate system and does not receive state or federal funding saving Kansans tax dollars. Hey douchebag! Tolls are a tax but now I am paying your taxes. Forced tax subsidies for Republicans! Where do I sign up? The only cool thing I did see was a car with a Flying Spaghetti Monster car plaque. The driver may have been on a mission of good will to the poor retarded Kansans. BTW, your state/toll-roads/citizens are douchebags of the week! Glad that hole left by Ken Lay’s death got filled.
Since I am on vacation, this will be a shorter Douchebag of the Week but don’t think he’s any less of a douche than any of the others. Ted Stevens, Republican Senator from Alaska and pork barrell asshole, gave an excellent example of how out of touch our elected officials are on the net neutrality issue.
I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10
o’clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?
Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.
Now you may remember him for his infamous “Bridge to Nowhere” where he believed his pork barrell projects were more important than Katrina aid. It seems to me net neutrality is one of these issues where it can be observed if a politician votes for the public interest or corporate interests. I personally believe any official voting against the public should be chased out of Washington and have their personal property burnt to the ground, but that may be over the top for some. Here is Craig Newmark’s (of Craigslist.com fame) stance and an accompanying Wired article.
technorati tags:net neutrality
You know if someone says shrill harpie who uses hate speech to sell her books, you would think… that’s right Ann Coulter. And even though she has won in the past (dammit I really need to import the past posts) she has another one in the bag. Ann Coulter is one of those naturally gifted douchebags. It comes naturally but not through her “controversial”/headline grabbing opinions. No that shit is for show. She knows it, and a good chunk of the public knows it. It’s the fact she thinks this is an acceptable option for publicity.
But because any publicity for this dfc is more than she deserves; she is getting retired from Douchebag of the Week. While she exemplifies everything this award is about; the best option is to acknowledge she is one of these people who will hurt America by polarizing groups by exploiting differences for her own gain and to ignore her. You will not see the name Ann Coulter on this site again.
But before she becomes dead to me, I do have one related story that is halfway funny. In March of 2005, I was at my favorite bar with a couple of coworkers, one for the first time. Anyway, the first-timer’s wife shows up and after she talks about her tit cancer the conversation turns to politics. She is a HUGE republican. She stated Democrats wanted to tell people how to live. This was right around the time of Teri Shiavo and I pointed that out and her response was it was horrible that what the Democrats were doing to her. At this point, I call her Ann Coulter because they were both fucking crazy and they did look alike. Her response, “Oh, I think she is so pretty”. Well as the night progresses, she and her husband try to get me to come back to their place to “continue the party”. I get a full on creep vibe by this and decide to pass. It comes up several more times, with me passing each time. Next day I talk to my other buddy there and we both agree that dude wanted us to get it on with his wife and she was definitely in on it too. I have always kind of thought that Coulter is probably a lot like this in her real life. One set of very repressed public morals covering a complete whore underneath.
Congrats Ann Coulter on your final DotW award and being the first person to be barred from mention on the site.