In my experience, there is one special type of douchebag that consistently soars above the rest, progenies of success. D’bags all the world over have had parents who have achieved some modicum of success and through connections and overdeveloped senses of entitlement have become remarkable douchebags in their own ranks. This week we have seen plenty of them. And since it has been a while, all of them get to become douchebags of the week.
Exhibit A: Chris Wallace. I look at this guy and want to punch him in the face. First of all he works at Fox News and drinks the Kool-Aid that they are representing the undervoiced majority of Americans instead of dispensing propaganda and prison raping America. This guy’s dad is Mike Wallace from 60 Minutes fame. Mike Wallace and 60 Minutes set the bar pretty damn high for journalists. Yeah they have had the occasional misstep but I’ll watch the show with a certain amount of glee because you just don’t see enough good investigative journalism. Chris Wallace on the other hand has not put any skin into the game. His biggest ratings are probably from the Clinton interview and he basically blind-sided Clinton and Clinton is still removing pieces of Wallace’s ass from his shoes. Should have never entered the old man’s arena Chris. You don’t have the stones for it. But you have accomplished something your father never did, douchebag.
The other winner goes to Leigh Tiffin, kicker for the Alabama Crimson Tide. You can read the details but I suspect anyone reading this site already knows what happened. Tiffin was obviously not up for the job on Saturday and got mentally shaken down. Not quite the nerve of the old man who in 1985 kicked a 52 yard field goal to win against a heavily favored Auburn team. Nothing can break my heart like Alabama football and on Saturday it did just that. Leigh, you should not have tried to follow in the old man’s footsteps. And you’re a douchebag for your performance on Saturday.
And let me wrap up the douchebag of the week awards by giving one to each of my coworkers and their sisters who so kindly pointed out that Alabama did not win this past weekend despite two signs in my cube stating “Stop! Don’t be a dick! Go away! I don’t want to talk about football.”. I also have a rule in my work email that searches for the word football in the body of an email, that when found deletes the email and sends an autoresponse. So yeah, that’s about 20 more douchebag of the week awards. Congrats!

Monday, September 25th, 2006 @ 11:22 pm DotW
RSS 2.0 Trackback